Say "Yes" to Life

One of our heart challenges as we go through life is saying goodbye to close friends and relatives. My dear friend, Maria, died last week. One of the things we learn as "motherless daughters" is not to be afraid to use the word die, rather than passed away.

Maria and Peter were so much fun to be around. We would go to ball games together, the Getty Museum, out to dinner; whatever it was, we had a good time. Not to mention how supportive they were to me...attending all of my plays/singing engagements, even if it meant driving 100 miles on a work night. Having them present at a Hollywood premiere of a short film I did meant a lot to me. So many memories.

Maria's memorial service was a wonderful tribute to her life. Maria loved hearts. Anyone who knew her knew that about her. The heart flower wreaths there were some of the most beautiful I've seen. She had so many friends, who got up the courage to share what they loved about Maria: her consistency, her capability in whatever she undertook, her dependability, her promptness, her loyalty. Well, it went on for two hours. When there was a lull, her hubby would get up and share certain aspects of her life, which then would trigger a memory from someone else. When you hear that getting up and speaking is one of our greatest fears, it's really a testimony to how people felt about Maria to not let the moment pass when they could express their feelings for her. Co-workers from a decade ago showed up.

The one thing that I noticed as I reflected on Maria's life and heard what others had to say about her as well is how Maria always said, "Yes, " to whatever opportunity was presented to her. I believe this was the gift she was given having gone through a successful battle with cancer twenty years earlier. She didn't delay for another day or another time, because she knew today was what matters. It's ironic that her oncologist had just told her he didn't need to see her again when shortly thereafter she started having symptoms, which led to the diagnosis of recurring cancer. Maria told her family and close friends that she was at peace as the end drew near.

We are at peace, knowing that Maria will finally get to be with her mommy again who died in a house fire when Maria was three.

A life well-lived and a dear friend who will be missed.

Motherless Daughters Day

Every year the day before Mothers Day, those of us who lost our moms when we were 21 or younger get together to celebrate our mothers' lives.

One of the things we do is get in what we call the "Circle of Remembrance" and join hands and give our name and our mother's name as well, i.e., "I am Cami, daughter of Cecelia." It's a touching moment. I look forward to being with my Sisters at Heart on this day in what we call the "unsought sorority."

I won a fabulous prize from Wine Country Gift Baskets and got to take home a tulip plant from Trader Joe's as well, which now resides in my front yard.

If you know of anyone who had an early mother loss, please recommend Hope Edelman's book to them, Motherless Daughters, A Legacy of Loss. It's a great way to begin the healing process.